Mommy uncensored:I miss that girl

Krysty H.

I miss that girl.  The glowing, radiant, exuberant, joyous girl.  The one that felt like she could accomplish anything.  I look at that photo and I see a beautiful, amazing woman.  True, it could be that she just ran a half marathon.   Looking at that photo takes me back to that instant when The Amazing Jeff snapped it.  I was waiting in line to get my bag from bag check, just fresh from the finish line, and fighting tears of joy over my accomplishment.  I felt invincible, and like I could do anything.  That girl loved herself so much, she felt proud of herself and she was committed to being the best version of herself.

Sometimes when I look at that picture I feel sad.  And frustrated.  And really, really angry at myself.  Angry for not being more diligent about what I put in my body during pregnancy.  Mad that I didn’t stay more active.  I got scared that The Bump would suffer if I didn’t eat more, she wasn’t gaining weight and I felt guilty not eating.  I used so many excuses not to be healthier…”strawberry cheese cake ice cream?  She needs the calories…don’t mind if I do!”    But I didn’t need to eat half the carton.  “It’s too hot to walk…”, we have a pool.  “I want to run, but I can’t raise my heart rate that much…” I could have gone to the gym anyway and used the treadmill or the elliptical.

The girl I see in the mirror now, she doesn’t want to be seen or photographed.  She wants to hide in the house, and be away from people.  But that path is a sad one, and not one I want to go down.  I am afraid if I continue on that path, I might lose myself in the deep dark jungle of self loathing, and stress eating.

So I had an epiphany yesterday after my workout…it was most likely the rush of endorphins to my brain that reset my mood and mindset… I worked my butt off for a year, I tackled my diet head on and pushed myself physically with the help of great trainers.  I ran a half marathon, and discovered Isagenix® thanks to a really great friend, all leading to a 40 pound weight loss. I know for a fact that without all of that, I would not have the amazing little girl asleep next to me. For the last few months I have been beating myself up about my weight gain during the last few months of pregnancy and first month postpartum; I have struggled with a little bit of depression as most new moms do. But after my run yesterday it hit me: I am not starting over…I am finishing. This is the time for me to get back on track, get back to that glowy, happy active girl I was before bringing a new life into the world. I know that I will be more successful if I have people on my team to cheer me on and motivate me in times of doubt; to celebrate with me in times of victory, and to push me in times of need. 2014 is my year, and it can be yours too!!

Who’s with me?!!!  Are you going to make 2014 your year too?


4 thoughts on “Mommy uncensored:I miss that girl”

  1. Hang in there and try not to be too hard on yourself. Your body is still out of whack with all those hormones and eventually will settle down. You know what you need to do and sound willing to make the effort to make it happen. It won’t be overnight but gradually you will get back to the glowing girl in the post-race photo. Don’t hate the picture, embrace it and know you will be back there again better than ever because now you have the Bump! Stay strong. Xo

    1. When I started that post I was pretty down, but by the end I could see the light at the end…and Ima runnin for it!

  2. I’m with you lady! You can do this! I did pretty well through my pregnancy, gaining about 27lbs total, but it was the aftermath where I fell off. I used too many “stress” excuses. I was stressed from moving to a new state with baby (hubby still at old house working at his job in previous state ~6 hrs away), starting work again full time, house hunting, basically living like a single mother for over 6 months during the work week. Add into that a 1.5 hour drive each way to & from work… YUCK! It evolved into finding a new house, having 2 mortgages, trying to keep up with a house, yard, 2 dogs, & a baby with hubby still living a state away. Finally, everything is starting to simmer down. WHEW! Now I realize I used all of the above excuses to eat what I wanted without leaving time to exercise. My baby is now 15 months old & I’m 50lbs heavier then I should be… How in the world did I get here?!! Now I am working my way to getting back on track. This will be a process, but you are helping to motivate me. I’ve started eating only slow carbs (no starches, sugar, dairy, “white crap”) and am happy that so far in 2014 I’m down about 11 lbs. I also need to get back to that athletic, happy, energetic girl I was not too long ago. We can do this. I’m taking your hand virtually & following your posts- We are powerful, we are awesome, we WILL DO GREAT!! Oh & thank you for the added motivation. You rock 🙂

    1. Oh my gosh Tiffani YOU rock! Way to go so far in 2014! We both will do great and I am so glad that I can help to motivate you! I have big plans for 2014, and I know that we will rock it this summer and be HOT MAMAS for life! Thanks for following along!

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