I miss that girl. The glowing, radiant, exuberant, joyous girl. The one that felt like she could accomplish anything. I look at that photo and I see a beautiful, amazing woman. True, it could be that she just ran a half marathon. Looking at that photo takes me back to that instant when The Amazing Jeff snapped it. I was waiting in line to get my bag from bag check, just fresh from the finish line, and fighting tears of joy over my accomplishment. I felt invincible, and like I could do anything. That girl loved herself so much, she felt proud of herself and she was committed to being the best version of herself.
Sometimes when I look at that picture I feel sad. And frustrated. And really, really angry at myself. Angry for not being more diligent about what I put in my body during pregnancy. Mad that I didn’t stay more active. I got scared that The Bump would suffer if I didn’t eat more, she wasn’t gaining weight and I felt guilty not eating. I used so many excuses not to be healthier…”strawberry cheese cake ice cream? She needs the calories…don’t mind if I do!” But I didn’t need to eat half the carton. “It’s too hot to walk…”, we have a pool. “I want to run, but I can’t raise my heart rate that much…” I could have gone to the gym anyway and used the treadmill or the elliptical.
The girl I see in the mirror now, she doesn’t want to be seen or photographed. She wants to hide in the house, and be away from people. But that path is a sad one, and not one I want to go down. I am afraid if I continue on that path, I might lose myself in the deep dark jungle of self loathing, and stress eating.
So I had an epiphany yesterday after my workout…it was most likely the rush of endorphins to my brain that reset my mood and mindset… I worked my butt off for a year, I tackled my diet head on and pushed myself physically with the help of great trainers. I ran a half marathon, and discovered Isagenix® thanks to a really great friend, all leading to a 40 pound weight loss. I know for a fact that without all of that, I would not have the amazing little girl asleep next to me. For the last few months I have been beating myself up about my weight gain during the last few months of pregnancy and first month postpartum; I have struggled with a little bit of depression as most new moms do. But after my run yesterday it hit me: I am not starting over…I am finishing. This is the time for me to get back on track, get back to that glowy, happy active girl I was before bringing a new life into the world. I know that I will be more successful if I have people on my team to cheer me on and motivate me in times of doubt; to celebrate with me in times of victory, and to push me in times of need. 2014 is my year, and it can be yours too!!
Who’s with me?!!! Are you going to make 2014 your year too?