Thought I would share Hadley hand update since people have been asking. We met with the pediatric orthopedic surgeon this morning and got her x-rays done. As you can see she does indeed have a double ring finger. But it is not a full length of the finger. That portion to the left will be removed. It was also shown that her pinky does not have its own hand bone, and therefore does not have its own ligaments, tendons and nerves. It shares those of the ring finger. Meaning that it is not independently functional and probably will not help her functionally in the future at all. So we have elected to have her pinky removed. We also can see from the x-ray that her pointer finger is not a “normal” pointer finger either. As it has a much smaller middle bone. They won’t be doing anything with that. It will probably be a little bit smaller and not grow at the same rate as the pointer finger on her left hand. She will be having surgery on Friday September 26th. So I will be total wreck that day! She will be in a cast for a month, which is kind of a bummer because it will take place just before her first birthday. So I’ve got only a few short weeks to get this little girl to walk, because crawling will be incredibly difficult for her with the cast on her hand!! But to make it more fun we will be having a #virtualcastsigning party! If you’d like to “sign” her cast, you’ll be able to! Stay tuned for a post about that later in the month!
I know I haven’t really talked about or posted pictures of her hand situation much. That’s because as her mom, I feel incredible guilt over this little issue. Even though I know in my logical mind I had absolutely nothing to do with this. It does have some genetic implications. But there wasn’t anything that I consciously or unconsciously did to do this and I know that, but I still feel a lot of guilt looking at that x-ray, and every time I look at her hand.
But after doing some reflection it occurred to me that I need to stop feeling shame and guilt about this because I DO NOT want her to feel like it is something that she needs to feel shame and guilt about. It is part of who she is and I love everything about her and who she is. And I MADE that! I created this happy, chubby, independent, hilarious and beautiful human being. I am overwhelmed with gratitude for the opportunity to be her mommy